Source: All you’ve got is your word

I learned the value of keeping one’s word through an experience that happened to Alyssa years ago.

A close relative promised her that she would be part of a very special ceremony however, when the time came, he wasn’t able to keep that promise. No one realized the hurt Alyssa felt, or how long she’d nursed that disappointment until she fell absolutely to pieces during one our “Friendly’s “ lunches. Once I found out about it, I had an obligation to her – to make sure that she was listened to and that we, the adults in her life, resolved the situation in an expedient and responsible manner.

Alyssa and I have often talked confidentially over the years; she understood our talks stayed confidential unless she told me something that I felt was harmful or hurtful to her. This particular situation warranted Parental intervention! I called my cousin (her Mother) to discuss what happened. She then understood Alyssa’s behavior about a totally unrelated issue involving this relative. I don’t know how the situation was resolved on their end however I know this relative and Alyssa remain very close.

We as colleagues and managers routinely make promises to each other. “That next promotion is yours”, “You’re going to manage that key account” or “I’m available to you whenever you need support”. We often don’t realize that promises we make have the same effect on our employees that the relative’s word had on Alyssa; expectations are set and disappointment may occur if the expectation isn’t met. If employees are disappointed enough times by unfulfilled promises trust begins to erode. Trust is fragile; what takes years to build can be dashed in a moment. Distrustful work environments often result in low employee morale and low employee engagement.

Develop an environment of trust in your workplace (keep in mind this is everyone’s responsibility, not just the job of your Human Resources (HR) department!). Be a person of your word with your peers, direct reports, clients and higher ups. When you are unable to keep your word, do the right thing and communicate to establish new expectations. Follow confidentiality policies with the understanding that any behavior or circumstances that are deemed harmful by HR or management will be investigated. Some people are still reeling from major disappointments suffered at their place of employment. Workplaces that offer avenues for employees to discuss their feelings constructively through one-on-one sessions with managers, mentors; focus groups, buddy systems or through Employee Assistance Programs are providing practical avenues for employers to listen, and when necessary, to act upon employee concerns.

If you have the opportunity to influence your company in a Human Resources or management function, try to be aware of the atmosphere in your workplace. You should be approachable to employees up and down the company ladder. Always speak to your employees’ intelligence because they know whether you can be trusted. Follow up to make sure any difficult situations are truly resolved. Your employees will appreciate you and the environment in your workplace will be more productive.

Lesson learned.

I remember my Goddaughter’s baby dedication like it happened yesterday. From what I’d seen from others I figured being a Godparent was going to be a big time “figure head” responsibility. Show up at a few birthday parties, be the RSVP on the sweet sixteen party invites and have a seat of honor at her wedding. How hard could that be?

Alyssa’s parents decided on a baby dedication ceremony at their church in New Jersey when she was about 3 months old. Her Godfather and I fussed with the dresses she would wear to the church and during the ceremony. Family and friends were there dressed with cameras ready.

As the Bishop began the ceremony, the baby began to wind up a cry that carried across the church. Of course, her parents, Godfather and I figured she would calm down since were all standing there. Boy, were we wrong! I eventually took her from the church mother (what choice did I have with all the frowns in the room?). The sweet sacred ceremony we anticipated sounded more like a baby exorcism. I learned something valuable from this experience.  Not only did I realize the responsibility that I was taking on as I Godparent I also realized we were “onboarding” her into our religious practices.

When I began my Human Resources work, I kept this in mind for every employee orientation I conducted. It was important that each onboarding wasn’t a rote experience for the employee; how the onboarding was managed could make a great deal of difference in the employee’s perspective about their work and the company. The understanding each employee has about the company, their total benefits package and expectations about their conduct rest a lot in the onboarding they receive. In addition, how each employee blends into the culture and how they feel about being their authentic selves at work rests a great deal in the follow up to the onboarding. Follow up can involve formal or informal mentoring/buddy systems and the all-important meeting (after 90 days) with the employee to make sure he or she understands their duties and has what they need to do their best work. There were many stakeholders involved with the baby dedication ceremony and there are many stakeholders involved in the successful onboarding of employees. If onboarding is done correctly, the hiring department and the business are enhanced and the new hire will thrive professionally. One of the most detrimental things to any business is to have a new hire that is not clear on their job, the culture or about his/her total compensation package.

When Alyssa was a young adult, she mentioned something about babies who sometimes cry out in church and how distracting that could be. I laughed and told her about her baby dedication – then we both laughed!

Lesson learned.

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 30 years ago since I became a Godparent. For many years, I’d wanted to be a parent and seriously considered becoming a single parent. What stopped me from becoming a single parent is that I wanted to give my children, at the very least, the same jump off point I had – two exceptional parents. The idea of marrying just to have children would have been settling and I didn’t want to raise a child in that kind of environment. Marriage by no means guarantees a happy home for a child and I’m aware of that. I felt that not becoming a single parent was the best parental move I could make and I stand by that decision because it was the best decision for me!

Many people get lost because they don’t have children. I found joy in having children vicariously through my cousins and friends. My first cousin and her husband found a willing resource to become Godparent to their firstborn. I remember how excited my cousin Marcy and I were anticipating Alyssa’s birth and how many baby clothes I bought (“Stop!” my cousin finally said. “Don’t buy another thing!”). I also remember the concerns we had about all the things that might go wrong while she was carrying her, however our faith kicked in quickly, then we waited. And waited. And waited. Finally – there she was!

Little did I know how many lessons Alyssa would teach me just by being herself. I found many of the things I learned from her – listening to my intuition, keeping my word and enjoying the simple things in life – I’ve been able to apply to both my personal and my professional life. I’d also reflected on my own wonderful upbringing as I spent time with Alyssa. She is still taking me to school all these years later as she and her husband raise their young family and continue to pass on love and knowledge to them.

Isn’t pouring love and support into a tiny human being what makes a person a good parent? Isn’t this something we should be doing whether we are biological parents or not? Each of us has the opportunity to have a positive impact on the life of a child or young person if we would lift up and see the bigger picture. The children we invest in today are going to be the adults who are taking care of us and running things tomorrow. There is no way that I, type A personality that I am, is planning to leave my future up to chance!

For anyone who has loved and invested in the life of a child I invite you to take this journey down memory lane with me. I look forward to your feedback and have an idea many of the lessons Alyssa taught me will remind you of the many lessons you’ve learned from the children in your life.

Keep reading…