I still remember seeing her big bright eyes as we drove through the neighborhoods in Delaware County and along the Main Line to see the homes that were decorated for the holidays. A number of cultures were represented in the various displays. These homes never looked as enchanting as they did when I took the drive with tiny Alyssa. There is nothing like seeing the holidays through the eyes of a child.

This is the perfect time of year to be enchanted by the many cultures and traditions of the season. In the workplace, religious observances are often taboo, however sharing cultural expressions during this time of year can be a fun and fascinating way to spend an often hectic time of the year. The discussion, sharing (of food!) and cultural understanding that are exchanged will last long beyond the holidays. Having avenues to express your culture during each season brings awareness to how much we are different, as well as those things we have in common.

Avenues provided by employers for employees to express their culture and share family traditions go hand-in-hand with the season of giving. Unfortunately, detachment and loneliness is as prevalent as large family gatherings during this time of the year. For every person who is excited to travel to family and friends there are others who dread the fanfare. Sharing the warmth of culture can break down barriers and create a very inclusive work environment. Instead of accepting the view of other cultures shown through social media, labels and innuendo, why not serve up a slice or two of humanity to each other this holiday season?

“Best Places to Work” employers understand one of the most important things for any employee is the ability to be authentic, and what better time of the year to constructively and creatively share who you are. Workplaces that encourage such practices will reap the benefit of better-educated and engaged employees.

I hope that your holidays will be a time to be with those you care about and to share your traditions. As I drive through the neighborhoods taking in the brightly decorated homes again this year I know I will smile about the memories I have of that ride many years ago.

Lesson learned.

Source: Making a graceful exit

There is not enough attention given to making a graceful exit…

When Alyssa was a little girl, she was very clear in her conversation – and in her meaning. One of the things that still sticks out in my mind is how she would end a conversation, especially when she was being reprimanded or heard something she didn’t want to hear. She would say, “Fine” in a tone more in line with “Whatever”, turn on her heel and leave the room. Unbeknownst to her, her Mother and I would secretly smile at her display of independence.

To this day, I can’t remember a time when Alyssa was ever blatantly disrespectful to me. She did some typical teen stuff so I’m not adding a halo to her head (or to my own, my Mother will tell you I was a real handful for a while) however I never recall anything that would have landed her in the zone of punishment or reprimand. Even when we disagree on things, I would let her know I understood her irritation with me – and I was irritated with her as well. I still loved her and told her so. Maybe that is why we are the way we are today – adults who can disagree without holding a grudge or being hissy hateful in the process.

In today’s society, many folks don’t know how to make a graceful exit. Unfortunately, we read about it all the time in the news or hear it in our inner circles. We “tell it like it is” or “give somebody a piece of our mind” with no thought about the consequence of what we say or do. We burn emotional bridges by the hurtful hateful words and acts we do as we exit. We even have words written on our undies and our backsides as the last memory anyone has of us leaving a room!

When making an exit – whether leaving a meeting, leaving a position or leaving a relationship – looks or feels anything like burning a bridge you’re doing it wrong! The idea is you should exit so the door is open for you to be invited back – as a guest, as a contributor, as a subject matter expert or as a speaker. You should be able to call back to any job you leave to get a reference from a colleague or manager – and they should do it with a smile. This is something you might want to consider the next time you decide to give someone a piece of your mind in any instance – put your mind back in your pocket and exit with a gracious or kind word instead.

My Goddaughter hasn’t burned any bridges in our relationship and I hope she carries that throughout her personal and professional lives. She can be assertive, diplomatic and insightful and get her point across – just as she did when she was little.

Lesson learned.

One of the funniest things my Goddaughter taught me when she was a tiny person was the power of a tiny word – “NO”!

The first time she gave me a “No” with attitude her father didn’t take to it too kindly. There was an immediate response with a, “Don’t you ever tell Aunt Charlene ‘no’ like that again” added to it. I don’t know if I was more surprised at his response or if she was. If I wasn’t ready for the responsibility and the vote of confidence her father gave me at that moment it was too late! He was telling us both that whatever I said and whatever I did should matter to her. That was powerful and that trust is something I never took for granted.

There is power in the word “No”. Simply “No”. I heard a colleague allude to this in class recently. For some reason, children seem to get it but adults don’t. When children don’t want to do something they tell you “No” and sometimes will qualify it with a perfectly logical explanation. Sometimes they tell you “No” and that’s it! As parents and guardians we often override their “No” response however, we take note of the fact it was said and why. As adults we feel we can’t say “No” to anything. If we do say “No” we feel it needs a qualifier. What does a child know that we as grownups don’t know?

“No” stated in this day and age where things move too fast and things that are done can be hurtful in so many situations is not a bad thing. “No” to a bully may cause a reaction because now he/she knows their behavior is unacceptable. “No” in an unethical or extreme work situation may cause anger and retaliation however it will raise consciousness and will give peace of mind to the naysayer. One of the things I have told my employers is that they should keep any unethical behavior from my view or investigation; I have no plans to spend any time in federal prison for a lie or omission. The expectation was set that “no” unethical behavior would be tolerated. No problems, no repercussions!

Alyssa did have a little patch where “No” was pretty much her standard teenager answer and I’m not mad at her. I prefer a young woman with her own opinion; I figured she would negotiate a major point before she let her principles be trampled and went along just to get along. From what I can see it worked like a charm, and that is the idea of the “No” – the right to have an opinion, to have some thinking room and in the process to keep some semblance of your true self and sanity.

Alyssa, thank you for teaching your Aunt Charlene the power of that tiny word.

Lesson learned.

Source: The power of a thank you

Gratitude is an attitude…

When Alyssa was little, I used to wrap her gifts in comic paper, the same way my Parents wrapped our gifts when my brothers and I were children. It was different, and it saved on wrapping paper for parents who wanted to make a statement of uniqueness to their children. I had to stop that practice with Alyssa when I saw her hunt out the gifts I bought before a birthday party. That was a testament to how she felt about the gift(s) she received – and to how bright she was!

As she grew the gifts changed however, her attitude of gratitude has never wavered. Whether it was a card, a gift or mad money for college, she made me feel 10 feet tall with her consistent demonstrations of gratitude. Now, whether it’s a text, Facebook comment, a card or an email, every expression she has received from me for herself or her children has been acknowledged (and her husband is good about this too). She does not realize how huge this is.

A well-executed thank you can make a big difference in a business or personal relationship. Many times, we are so concerned with receiving that we don’t feel moved to appreciate the efforts of the giver. Your expression of thanks should be appropriate to the occasion and unique to the person(s) involved. The idea is to make a heartfelt impact on the person who did the giving. Anyone who has had a family member, friend, colleague, manager or mentor pour their knowledge, understanding or wisdom into them should be quick to offer an expression of appreciation. When someone offers a recommendation – which is in fact putting his or her reputation on the line – there is no doubt for the need to acknowledge the act of kindness. You not only demonstrate how grateful you are for the “gift” that has been given, you encourage the door to be left open for future blessings. As she got older, Alyssa understood the gifts she received often came with a sacrifice. As professionals we should recognize the gifts and the sacrifices of time and resources that others make on our behalf to further our careers and goals.

My Mother inspired me to write thank you notes as a child and I still write them – long hand! I hope each person that receives a written note from me is moved because that is the intent of my expression. It is simply expressing my gratitude for the gift, time, thoughtfulness and/or wisdom that have been poured into me. Passing on the special feeling that comes when you show thanks in a tangible manner for something special that was done blesses both the giver and the receiver.

Alyssa strikes again! Lesson learned…