Source: Being Resource-full

One of the things I did when my cousin asked me to be Godparent to her unborn baby was to do as much research as I could about babies and children. Having a baby brother was one thing, having a baby Goddaughter was quite another. I felt the best way to be a good Godmother was to be a good resource for both her and parents – spiritually, mentally, personally, financially and by engaging my network.

In my Human Resources work and in my personal life I encounter many people who are “connected”. These are persons who have extensive networks, great friends and are well travelled – all the things that should enable them to be good resources for other people within their network. For some reason they don’t function that way. Their think tanks, networks nor talents are being utilized to do good for anyone other than themselves. What good is a large network of people if they are just adding to their “Connection #500+ count on LinkedIn”?

People who are not resource-full don’t realize they really hurt themselves in the long run. They tend to remain stagnant and as a result, they don’t progress much in their professional or personal standing. Funny thing is, a lot of them can’t figure out why others who are resource-full are so much happier and so much farther ahead than they are. Those persons who freely share their contacts and gifts, who are not afraid to step out of their comfort zones and who are willing to lend their name or their reputation to give someone a leg up have the advantage of a network of people watching out for them. The reason why is pretty simple, it’s because they watch out for other people! When opportunities open up, they are the people others think of first because they have supportive spirits. A closed fist lets nothing out – and it lets nothing in.

My advice? Do a self check to see if you are being as “resource- full” as you can be. If you give your word to do a favor or watch out for someone don’t just pay lip service.   Make that call to inquire about an opportunity for a friend. Pass along that resume to the contact you have association with that can open the door of opportunity for someone else. Take that person along to the meeting or conference to get firsthand experience or to introduce them to someone who could be a resource for them. If you’re not sure how much you are leveraging your resources for others ask someone whose opinion you trust – and don’t bite them if they don’t give you the answer you want! You may have it in your power to be a catalyst to help someone else become something he/she could only dream of.

During times of transition, I’ve used my time to study and develop relationships to become the best resource I can be. I hope I’ve been an encourager to others in my professional and personal network. Hopefully, my Goddaughter and others in her generation will find resource-full people as they venture into new and wonderful phases of their lives. I hope she in turn will develop her skills, network and alliances to be the best resource she can be for others around her. It’s a wonderful cycle of giving that should not only benefit us, it’s a cycle that should encourage and promote others as well.

Lesson learned.

Source: Designing your own Room

Some years ago, my Goddaughter visited me around the time she and her mom decided to paint her bedroom. They both thought it needed a makeover from a little girl’s room to a young woman’s sanctuary. Alyssa and I shopped at a local mall for the things that would personalize her room. As we shopped, she picked up items and kept saying, “Mommy would like this”. After she said this about the fourth item, I told her to stop – and put everything back. “This is going to be your room so it should reflect your taste”, I told her. She smiled, walked around the area again and made some choices that she liked and that she felt reflected her personality. When she got home her Mother was thrilled with her selections – and I was thrilled when I visited them some months later and saw the new room design. Alyssa learned a valuable lesson – her Mother and I valued her opinion and her ability to choose wisely.

I recently had occasion to feel like I was defending my “room design” to someone that I thought was in my corner. I quickly came to myself when I realized that I had to move forward making decisions that fit the design of my room. I thought more about the person I was dealing with and realized we are very different people. Then I took my own advice and put back the stuff that didn’t fit who I am, did a little recreating with some courageous companions and now am moving forward in faith with the agenda that fits me.

As employees, parents, guardians – people – we all have to design our room based on the gifts we are blessed with. Allowing somebody to get in our ear or our brains with an agenda that doesn’t fit who we are will keep us from reaching our goals both professionally and personally. It will upset our peace of mind and cause us to make decisions that will further set us back or keep us off track. Time works for and against us so we need to make sure we are as resourceful with our time as we can possibly be.

With the advent of a new calendar year, I encourage you to get busy designing your room. Be advised that age is not a factor in the design (or redesign) of your room. New beginnings also signify letting some old, worn habits and attitudes go. If you must, grieve over those old habits for a minute then move forward. Custom design your room with the things that reflect your values and goals. Don’t forget to let those persons who truly understand you know where you are heading. You want to take your truly courageous companions along for the ride. Be open to engaging in dialogue with people who are creatively designing their rooms because you might get inspiration from them – and they could get inspiration from you. Once you design your room, even with all the hustle and bustle of year-end, make sure you take some time to reflect on it. You’ll be recharged and ready to step into the New Year with confidence.

Lesson learned!

 

 

 

Source: The Wolf in the Room

If you want to know if someone can be trusted, ask a baby or a puppy. They’ll let you know.  How true this is – especially about the baby!

The first time I realized Alyssa had a “spidey sense” about people she was sitting in my lap at one of many family gatherings (with almost every family member we knew in attendance). She smiled and cooed until a certain family member appeared at the door of the room we were sitting in. She stopped cooing and stiffened up in my lap. At first, I didn’t know what to think. The person left the room, the baby relaxed, then the person returned and she stiffened up again. Got it – there’s a wolf in the room!

When people told my cousin she needed to teach the baby to be more “friendly”, I stopped them in their tracks. I was perfectly happy to have a little girl who would send an immediate alarm if anybody suspicious or not trust worthy came into her personal space. From what my Mother tells me she is a chip off her Aunt Charlene’s block; that is exactly the kind of baby I was.

Interesting thing, as some of us get older we choose not to defer to our “spidey sense” about people we find at work or in our network – that they are not to be trusted or that they shouldn’t be allowed into our treasured space. We decide their look, their status, who they know or what others say about them should trump what our intuition tells us; this person does not mean us good. They have a second agenda and we will be used and may be damaged professionally. We should listen to our intuition (“our gut”) no matter how silly we may feel in the actions that we take to protect ourselves. We should also pay more attention to what our children tell us – about that teacher at school, about that boyfriend/girlfriend we are wild about, about that person in our church or social circle that makes their hair stand on end. It is better to check the facts up front and be as sure as you can be about someone versus facing a period of heartache due to some unnecessary trauma that takes place in your (or your child’s) life.

Alyssa is still a good judge of character. I have always tried my best to judge people by their character and not by their color, age, sexual preference or status because I want to be judged by who I am. I’ve already resolved that when I decide to get married Alyssa will be on the list of people my special guy must meet. There are no guarantees that the marriage will last forever – but at least I’ll know if there is a wolf in the room.

Lesson learned.

As a baby, my Goddaughter did some funny things. Most of the time she was innocently (or maybe not so innocently) doing things and speaking her youthful mind. To hear her laugh at things her Parents and I did let us know she was in touch with her emotions and that she was developing a healthy attitude. We are enjoying a season of commercial advertisements where we’re amused at children who mimic the actions and emotions of adults – and some of them are hilarious!

Laughter really is the best kind of medicine. Time and time again research tells us that laughter is good for the soul and for our overall mental well-being. So, why do so many people go to workplaces where there is plenty of work (sometimes an overload) but there is no laughter or levity in the atmosphere? When did we learn that work means being so serious it becomes stressful? Back in the day, we used to say, “All work and no play make Jack/Jill a dull boy/girl”. That especially applies in today’s world; all work and no play is creating very stressful work environments where employers report high blood pressure, heart problems and folks being plain stressed out. As a result, we see some extremely stressful situations being played out in very unconstructive and dangerous ways in the workplace.

I’ve had the benefit of two “purgatory” work experiences; I’ve also found places where there is a much more pleasant work atmosphere and I’ll admit, I’m happy I experienced the purgatory times. How else would I appreciate the jobs where I got up in the morning knowing I was going to a place where we would work to the bone and have a few laughs during the day? It sure beats getting up on Sunday morning dreading the fact you have to go to a purgatory workplace on Monday morning! It is important, no vital, that employers listen for the “sounds” of employees in the workplace. What is their silence or lack of laughter really saying?

So, how did I cope when I worked in those purgatory situations? I found colleagues in the workplace who I could sit with for moments of solace. My weekdays and weekends were filled with events and people that gave me joy – movies, museum visits, church, dinners with family and friends and volunteer work – things that gave me a mental break from work. I meditated and had devotions every morning before I went to work so I stayed centered no matter how nasty the storm of the day would be. I had, and have, wonderfully “courageous companions” who support me when things get crazy. A quick phone call to say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you” meant everything to me. Those purgatory situations were hard however; thank goodness, they didn’t last forever!

As a Godmother, one of the sweetest sounds in this world was hearing Alyssa laugh – and it still is. As a Human Resources professional, for me, one of the sweetest sounds in the workplace was the sound of hard-working, productive employees and managers finding times of laughter and levity during their workday. That is when I knew my employees were not only driving a successful bottom line and enjoying their work, I also knew they were doing well.

Lesson learned!