As pro football season quickly moves towards the infamous playoff stretch (while basketball season begins to take hold of us) we anticipate who will make the finals. While we bemoan the reality that our favorite team might not make the playoffs, there is something that becomes very evident.  Teams that have depth on their benches – great first-string players – and great second-string players who can step up in the strength of first-string players – are usually amongst the top teams in the standings.   A multigenerational workplace can provide that same depth on the bench enjoyed by successful pro teams.

There is a picture we have of my Nana Lucy (holding a sleeping baby Alyssa) along with my Aunt “Nene” and my cousin right after her baby dedication. Unfortunately, cancer stole my Goddaughter’s chance of getting to know her great-Grandmother and her Nana as well as I knew them.  Alyssa also had depth of loving generations on her Dad’s side of the family.

I can attest to the historical and sociological advantage of having a multigenerational family.  Every chance I got I spent time with my great-great Uncle to hear his stories of raising a family in early to mid-1900’s Philadelphia and to hear about his workplace experiences.  To me, those stories were valuable to give me an idea of what he endured and how he prospered despite the times.  I spent time with elder church members who had varying experiences in the workplace – some as teachers, some as social workers, some as entrepreneurs and some as domestics.   Their hope was that the workplace I would participate in would be less concerned about what I looked like and more concerned about what I could bring to the table.

In a society that places so much value on innovation and youth we should not lose sight of the value of having a multigenerational workforce.  For exactly the same reasons it is valuable to children of a multigenerational family there is value to being a part of a workforce that is multigenerational. Baby boomers, Gen Xers and millenials each have something special to bring to the table.  In so many instances, what we see on the market as an “innovation” is a “retread” of some concept (or music!).   As I’ve often heard, there is really very little new under the sun.

The wisdom of life experience or experience on the job often cannot be measured until someone retires or dies.  That is unfortunate because we – no matter our race or ethnicity – owe a debt of gratitude to those persons who blazed trails and whose shoulders we stand on.  Can you imagine 50 years ago complaining about having a good coffee machine in the break room while unions and the federal government were working to improve safety conditions and disparities in the workplace?   Talking with more tenured persons in your department can help give you a more holistic view of the company, the culture and perhaps the industry. One of the most valuable things I did with every human resources job I had was to find and spend time with the persons who had the most tenure in the company.  Their perspectives helped me get a handle on the culture and they also became wonderful advocates and sounding boards for me.

Mentoring is becoming a big craze (again) – and mentoring can be done up and done the chain.  For younger generations, seeing Generation Xers in their full beauty would go a long way in valuing the resource they are. Persons over 50 bring so much more to the table than technical experience – and many companies are taking full advantage of the wisdom that comes only with experience.   “Boomers” are as much fun, adventurous, curious, innovative and sometimes sassier as their younger counterparts.

I’m sorry that Alyssa didn’t have the opportunity to know her elders as well as I did.  Sharing stories, imparting life lessons, being in a warm and loving embrace – those are things about our elders I miss.  One of the things she and her husband are doing which encourages my heart is they take her children around their elders – 3-4 generations of them – on BOTH sides of the family.  She understands there is great worth in valuing depth on the bench.

Lesson learned.

The media portrays men as exemplary if they perform “essential duties” associated with being a parent.  Commercials that portray men changing diapers and feeding their children draw our attention.  The first time I heard a male co-worker say he was “babysitting” his children I think my head spun around.  I remembered asking him, “Are they your children”.  You don’t babysit your children – you babysit other people’s children.  You raise your children!

My cousin Leslie worked a full-time job yet he always made spending quality time with his children seem effortless.  He and my cousin Marcy maintained discipline with my Goddaughter and her brothers yet there were plenty of chores, laughter and “organized chaos” in the house!  Because of the quality time he spent with her, he and my Goddaughter are very close.  I appreciate the atmosphere of the home I was raised in and understand how it has influenced who I am as an adult and as a professional.  After a day at work, my Father played with and spent quality time with the three of his children as a group or individually and it never seemed like it was a big deal for him.  To hear him tell it, he was having the time of his life!  He imparted his values, some humdinger stories and the lessons he learned in the workplace.  Both my Dad and Les embraced their responsibilities as parents because they understood the importance of developing quality people who would be positive, productive members of society.   My Goddaughter and I have become the adults we are because of the attitudes our parents had about what they were doing and the quality time they invested in us.

A similar principle applies in the workplace.  Managers, male or female, are not commissioned to be parents to employees; rather managers should embrace the idea of helping their employees become creative and productive human resources through effective professional development efforts.  If a manager feels a paycheck is enough for any employee and is not doing all s/he can to develop his or her direct reports into people who can excel, move laterally or ideally, be qualified to step into their jobs, that manager isn’t earning his or her paycheck.  Establishing a training plan, career goals, teambuilding, industry discourse, one-one-one exchanges, classes, conferences, cross training, intercultural/sensitivity training and work/life balance – or any combination of these methods – are important ingredients to bring out the best in human resources.  What not to do in any given situation can be as valuable to hear as what one should do in a given situation therefore sharing practical work experiences – whether the manager is mature or someone fresh out of a college internship program – can add another layer to an employee’s professional repertoire.

A red flag should come up for any manager whose direct reports are spending more time in mentoring situations with peers, across the business or outside of their department than they are with them.  If you’re paid a manager’s salary and aren’t able, or willing, to provide an atmosphere of growth through the professional development of your employees you should be talking to your supervisor or Department Head to get what you need for your directs – and for yourself.   Many managers are evaluating their roles and their professional objectives and are taking a step back – or out of management – to change things up.  The best managers are able to discern when it is time to remove themselves from management roles due to burnout or other factors.  Most managers realize they can be outside a management role and still be a leader in their area of expertise.  In this regard, a manager who takes this critical step is doing what is best for his/her employees, for themselves and for their companies.  There is no shame in that.

Long gone are the days where corralling employees like cattle to do work will suffice to meet the bottom line.  Better communication, better time management and better development of human resources will propel business – small and large – into the best cultures and ultimately to the greatest outcomes.

My Dad and Les got it right with their children in how they raised us – quality time, setting expectations, sweat and bubble gum work every time!

Lesson learned.

My Goddaughter recently celebrated a birthday.  When she was little, birthdays were a big thing for her Parents and me.  Her first birthday was a memorable one with all of our family present to celebrate.  My cousins and I didn’t spare a thing in preparation for the party – it was complete with streamers, balloons, baby’s birthday crown, the barbecue in the back yard and the cake that she happily put her hand print on.  I especially remember her tears of fright when we all sang (shouted) “Happy Birthday” to her (now that I think about it, it’s amazing that the “Happy Birthday” chorus doesn’t traumatize most babies!).  I don’t know if she missed celebrating her birthday with classmates since her birthday fell during the summer months however, in her case, her birthday was always a special time to gather with the entire family.  There is no time like a birthday to give you pause to reflect, make plans for the future and appreciate the blessings in your life.

When I started my first full-time benefit paying job out of college the bank I worked for made a big to do about birthdays.  I worked in the Retail Banking area and in each branch office I had the opportunity to celebrate birthdays in different ways.  Sunshine clubs were very often the avenue to celebrate (money was donated each pay and a pot of money was maintained for cards and birthday cakes).    Taking time to celebrate monthly birthdays during a late lunch with the team after the branch closed was also common.  Having a birthday cake in the lunchroom that you could sneak a piece of between customers was always a treat.  Since I absolutely LOVE birthday cake, any occasion to celebrate life – and to come together as a team just for a few minutes – was a welcome respite.

Nowadays many work places don’t acknowledge birthdays or work anniversaries in their efforts to be politically correct.  That is unfortunate. Some organizations complain that the celebrations work against productivity measures.  In an era where work/life balance and work integration are becoming key to employee engagement maybe rethinking some of the “old school” ways to bring employees together in an atmosphere where they can validate each other isn’t such a bad idea.  The “cake” (or ice cream social) could be for any number of reasons to include a birthday, work anniversary or in appreciation of your team.  In these uncertain, turbulent times, finding reasons to celebrate and have a light moment can be vital to the morale of employees and the culture of an organization.

There is no longer a baby girl to celebrate since Alyssa wasn’t going to stay a baby for long.  She is an adult and I am sure she had special plans for her special day.  I’m so grateful for every party invitation envelope I licked, for every birthday hat we decorated, for the unique cakes and for every balloon that I blew up in her honor each year.  Each year is its own milestone when you are alive, have a reasonable measure of good health, are loved and appreciated and have the opportunity to get up in the morning to keep improving yourself – and the world around you.

For the companies that continue in the “old school” traditions of workplace celebrations whether they are for birthdays, work anniversaries, retirements or other events – thank you!  Thank you for allowing your employees constructive avenues to value each other and to commemorate the beauty of their life’s journey.

Lesson learned.

Earlier this year I attended the funeral of a wonderful young man who died very suddenly.  He was in very literal terms a shining star.  One of the many things I loved about him was his “giving you all I’ve got” megawatt smile!  As I went through my paperwork and came across his obituary recently I am reminded of how much I miss him and that so engaging smile.

I know Alyssa’s parents and I smiled at her a lot when she was a baby.  We loved her and smiling showed her how much joy we felt that she was in our lives.  She was quick to smile back at us however, I noticed she was discerning about smiling at others.  At the time I had absolutely no problem with that since I realized she was deciding whom she trusted and with whom she should share her joy.  Now that she is grown, she smiles easily and shows you the joyful spirit that she is.

People tell you a lot about themselves by how easily they smile, how slow they are to smile or the things that make them smile.  That holds true whether you are young or old.  I am always concerned when I am in the presence of young children who don’t smile or laugh as a natural inclination – or when cajoled.  It has been my experience that children that don’t smile may not have been shown how to smile or don’t have a reason to smile.  Children who don’t have any joy in them or in their lives very often become unhappy adults.  If you don’t smile or learn what it is to have joy when you’re young it is something that can be harder to learn as you grow older.

At work, sharing a smile can bridge chasms.  A genuine smile is one of the most universal of “languages” that can be shared.  It can make the difference between a new hire feeling welcome and a soon to be retiree feeling appreciated.  Over the telephone, a smiling salesperson or customer service representative will win high praise and their company will win awards and repeat business for the delivery of quality service to clients.  Years ago a friend clued me in on how to make my personal and professional voice mail sound more pleasant to callers – watch the inflection of my voice, enunciate and smile while I am making the recording.  People can read and feel the smile on the other end of the phone whether it’s a call from the President of the United States or from a college admissions officer giving some long anticipated good news.

You certainly can’t be a psychoanalyst at your job or at home, yet some things are literally right on your face.  At this very moment, you are smiling as you think of all the loved ones in your life or in your day-to-day interactions who share the joy of their being through their smile.  You can also think of folks who don’t smile and the things that you feel and draw from your interactions with them.  Keep in mind your thoughts about the non-smilers may be absolutely false however, the impression has been made.

Today I smile when I see Facebook pictures of my Goddaughter’s children smiling at the camera because I know she and her husband are smiling at them.  Some lessons are caught and some lessons are taught.

I’m glad this was a lesson learned!

I have always been pleased about the relationship my cousin Leslie has with his first-born child, my goddaughter Alyssa.  Since she was a tiny person, he approached her intelligence when dealing with disciplinary issues and growing pains.  Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to be at my cousin’s home where Les and Alyssa traded banter about a business question he had.  He asked her some questions and she answered them as if it was old hat to her – it was because this is the way they have always operated.

In this society of gender specifics, we tend to express how important it is to see healthy father/son relationships while negating the importance the influence – good or bad – a man has on his daughter(s).  My goddaughter’s relationship with her Dad is one that has benefitted her in a number of areas – how she relates to men in her family, how she related to the guys she went to school with, how she functions in her workplace, in her role as a wife and now as the mother of a young son.  The many facets of a young woman’s relationships with men are factors that many fathers may not consider when they are raising and interacting with their female child(ren).  The father/daughter relationship is sometimes the most important driving factor in a woman’s life.  For better or for worse.

I am fortunate to have a father who is very typical in some ways – yet quite exceptional in others. Between the three of his children, I am the “bachelor”.  Because of that, I needed the skills to not only manage “domestic duties” but I had “to do it all” – manage work, home, a church life and an active social life.  Dad learned to be a better manager at work by having empathy for the opportunities and the kind of workplace atmosphere he wanted for me (that equitable workplace does not exist yet however we remain hopeful).  I learned to “speak sports” to engage in banter with my Dad and my brothers.  I got the real skinny on what guys think and feel by watching and talking with the men in my life.  Dad brought home pert charts and I watched his discipline as he prepared class and work notes and Sunday School lessons. I learned about “completed staff work” firsthand.  My Dad is typical in wanting the best for me however, I hope he appreciates how to let me decide, based on who I am, what is best for me.  Some of the most rewarding relationships I have today are not only with my golden sister girlfriends but with some guy friends that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  I thank my Dad for that influence. 

In my professional life, I’ve earned the respect of the men I’ve worked with over the years, both peers and managers.  Some of the most glowing recommendations I’ve received are from men who said I did my job with efficiency, transparency, and candor and without regard to political, racial, or other pressures.  I’m sure my ability to ride the office pool until late in the football season and the fact that I’m still the skee ball queen didn’t hurt my reputation! 

Now that Alyssa is married with children, her relationship with her dad should evolve.  It’s said you can’t go home again – whether in the psychological or literal sense (as many have had to do).  The key is to meet your adult daughter(s) where she is, not where she used to be.  I recall my Mother lamenting when I left home because she felt I wouldn’t need her anymore.  I told her it wasn’t that I didn’t need her, I would need her “different”.   Once daughters put on big girl britches it is hard for (most of us) to revert backwards (after all, moving upward and onward is how most of us have been programmed, right?). If a daughter should find herself in a vulnerable place it is the hope of every woman that a sensitive father will provide a shoulder to lean on.  A father who understands and embraces his daughter’s evolution is a father who is destined to maintain a loving, trusted relationship with his grown daughter(s). 

When I’m asked if I’m a “Daddy’s Girl” I smile however deep down I’m not sure how I like that description.  Is a young man who achieves professionally due to his father’s influence deemed, “Daddy’s Boy”?   Most likely people will say, “He’s a chip off the old block”.  Not that my Dad is an old block but I like that analogy much better.  That description feels more like you are making your own inroads based on the influence of another versus being cradled eternally by your Dad.  Yes, I like being a “chip” much better! 

Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, Leroy, to Les, my brother Steven and to all the Fathers and male role models who positively influence their daughters and all the children in their lives.  I also have to say Happy Fathers Day to those men who may not have made a positive influence on their children.  Unfortunately, based on their influence they often provide the motivation that drives their daughters and sons to be even more successful in their professional and personal lives.

Lesson learned.

Folks ask me how my Goddaughter and I managed to keep an open and honest line of communication as she was growing up.  I hadn’t given it much thought until I began career coaching some years ago.  The more I thought about it, the rules I made for myself about managing our relationship applied to how I managed my direct reports, conducted my HR work and managed my personal relationships:

I had to be a good listener

I had to be able to discern what she told me – and I had to be able to discern what she wasn’t telling me as well.  Being a good listener can make the difference in “catching” what a child says and understanding their body language so you can focus on what they mean – and need – beyond the smoke and mirrors they sometimes put in front of you.

I was approachable

No matter whether the news was bad or good she knew she could talk to me.  I might be irritated at what I heard however, she knew once she shared her concerns there was someone else willing to help her resolve the issue.  I shudder to think of the things she might have done alone or that might have happened to her if she didn’t have parents and one of her Godparents to confide in.

I had to be engaging 

I was hardly a baby when she was born however; I had to be engaging to stay relevant.  There is nothing worse for a child or a teenager than to interact with an adult who is totally out of step with them – and out of step with everything and everybody else!  I had to be in tune with the child she was and the young woman she was becoming.   That didn’t mean using the slang, or dressing like someone not my age, it meant meeting her emotionally and dimensionally where she was.  At times, it also meant asking her to put on her big girl britches and see things from a more mature perspective.

She expected me to be genuine

If nothing else, I had to be myself with her because I knew she would call me out on what I said or what I was doing.  She had every right to do that since I was offering constructive feedback to her.   That didn’t mean I changed my actions in my professional or personal life however, it did make me aware that someone impressionable was watching.  Adults who don’t walk the talk will lose their audience every time.  Children can smell a phony a mile away – and so can your employees!

I tried to be sensitive with my feedback.

If you are unhappy with a child’s attitude or performance or see something they are doing that might be harmful to them down the road there is a way to bring it to their attention that won’t crush their spirit.   The result of any constructive or crucial conversation is that the child is helped, that they can apply the feedback and that they can manage next steps successfully.  Ultimately, I wanted Alyssa’s success when she interacted in venues away from my protective eyes.  She also provided me with constructive feedback at a number of junctures in my life, and because of this, we both kept growing and maintained the harmony in our relationship.

Praise enthusiastically!

I hope I have praised my Goddaughter enthusiastically all throughout her life.  She would be the best judge of that.  In my personal and professional life, I believe strongly that we should be on the ready to praise accomplishments – great or small – because we are often so quick to criticize others.  If the only time you approach the children in your life – or your employees – is when there is a problem, you have a problem!

Take pride in their achievements.

I enjoyed the fruits of Alyssa’s work as if they were my own.  If you’ve invested your time and energy in someone’s achievements, whether it is high school diploma or a new job they accept because of your coaching, why shouldn’t you be happy and enjoy their accomplishments with and for them?

One of my many jobs as Godmother was to make sure lessons taught could be applied in practical life situations.  To be the very best wife, mother, colleague and ultimately manager, Alyssa should strive to be a good listener, approachable, engaging, genuine, sensitive with her feedback, bubbling with her praise and able to be happy when her family’s and friend’s milestones are met.  Sprinkling or pouring varying degrees of each quality as the situation warrants will ensure her success.   I’m glad I could apply the lessons she taught me to keep communication channels open.

Lesson learned.

Recently my Pastor told us about an occurrence where a political candidate’s daughter didn’t receive a hug and a kiss from the politician as you would normally expect.  Like my Pastor, I thought that was odd until I thought a little more about it.  It occurred to me that the candidate might not have done much kissing or hugging of his child prior to the media op, which was evidenced by her negative reaction.

It’s amazing how much what we do at home or in private is reflected in what comes to light when we’re out interacting in public.  When she was little, people were so impressed at how well-behaved my Goddaughter was when I brought her to church or took her out and about.  It was no surprise to me because I knew she was taught how to behave mannerly at home.  People who feign shock when their children act out at restaurants, theaters and in other public arenas are not fooling anybody.  The hard work of discipline and respect should be done at home!

The same can be said for us professionally.  Our work habits and ethics can provide more information about us than we realize.  I always say people show you who they are by what they do.  It never fails.  If you’re always running late you probably need to get up 15-20 minutes earlier to have your day flow more smoothly.  Organizing yourself the night before can help eliminate some morning stress.  Networking and attending conferences with other industry professionals will show in the depth of your thought process and conversations with your peers and managers.  Engaging in conversations with others who have viewpoints other than your own and tapping into diverse social media outlets will provide you with perspectives to engage in meaningful intercultural conversations.  If we wholeheartedly recreate off hours we can be more productive at work. Taking care of your physical and mental health will show in how you look, how you feel and how you perform your job.   Any “home training” activities that raise your awareness, enhance your well-being and increase your confidence level will reap great rewards professionally and personally.  Being genuine at all times will provide a peace of mind that allows you to move smoothly through your professional and personal relationships.

It’s true that some things can only be learned on the job however, it’s very beneficial to you and to your employer when you have a good foundation for the “on the job training” to be laid upon.  The things we do at home will show themselves in the light of day every time.

Lesson learned.

Source: What you wear is who you are