One of the great joys of my life was having a female child for whom I could buy lots of clothing. My cousin was very careful to make sure no matter what Alyssa wore that she presented a picture of being cared for – because she was loved and cared for. My cousin succeeded greatly in doing that.

About the time Alyssa was in high school the culture had become very casual in its approach to dressing, especially about how to dress for school. Before she came to visit me one summer I got a call to advise me of the changes Alyssa had made in her appearance to fit in more with her peers. Auntie to the rescue!

Alyssa and I have always enjoyed a relationship where I ask a question and she has been honest in her answers. Some of my questions have been superficial to get her to express herself, however when I wanted to get to the meat of something I was very direct with my questions. When the conversation came around to the dress code at her high school, I asked some pointed questions including how she would feel if I were to begin to dress super casually (wear sweatpants) as my “normal” attire. That got an eyebrow raise as a response. I also asked her how she would feel if her Mother decided to make sweatpants her “normal” attire. That got a big, roaring laugh. She got it! The next time the issue of sweatpants came up in a conversation, she was grown (and I know better than to tell a grown woman what she should wear).

I have found Alyssa to be a tasteful dresser. Sweatpants always have their place however I have an idea they don’t go to formal places or to the supermarket too often. She has a daughter and what she wears is who she is. Her daughter is dressed comfortably and with loving care and that is who she is – a child who is loved and cared for.

In a society where bra straps are shown with impudence, backsides serve as advertisements (commission should be charged) and pants ride low for the display of tattoos it is wonderful to have women like Michelle Obama on the fashion scene. Whatever happened to saving some things about your body to present to “a private audience”? The last time I was at a dinner/club in Philly the sister friend I was with and I got more stares from the guys there because we had the least skin showing. We were both dressed casual chic – and if looks from the other women in the room could have killed – we would both be dead. Call me a prude or old school because I’m happy with those labels. When a woman comes on the scene who has taken time to give the world a physical presentation that is tasteful and that shows confidence she commands the room. This is something that transcends age and culture. Employers want someone who will represent them well (both men and women) so like it or not, professional presentation is a consideration. Everyone wants to get a second look because of his or her personal style, however, what you really want in the end is for someone to take notice and be genuinely interested to get to know the person on the inside.

If you are not getting the respect you would like at work because of your professional presentation, you are in a wonderful position to change it. Find someone – mature or young – whose presentation you like and ask him or her to give you some pointers. If you are lucky like I am to have a Mom, friends and Aunties who you can go to, (I am not ashamed even at my age to go to them for advice) you are fortunate. You are never too young or too old to revamp or improve your presentation if you want to. After all, what you wear is who you are!

Lesson learned.

Source: The Great Divide

During one of many conversations with my late great-great Uncle Alonzo we talked about then baby Alyssa and her future. At that time I was going through some things at work that I believed stemmed from a lack of intercultural understanding. I remember telling him I was so sorry she would have to live in a society that judged her by her color rather than by her character. He told me he had the same thought when I was born; how sad it was that people were more inclined to judge me as a person by what I looked like before they got to know me or what I could offer.

An incident that happened to Alyssa when she was little demonstrated we are far from a “post-racial America”. It was my understanding that one of her classmates attempted to cut her hair because she didn’t believe a child of color could have such a nice head of hair. I recall as my cousin was telling me about this that I began fishing for my car keys. She asked what I was doing and I told her, “I’m on my way to Richmond. Nobody is cutting my baby’s hair!” My cousin laughed and let me know she and her husband had it under control. How unfortunate for Alyssa’s classmate that his/her vision of an African-American child did not include one of a child who had a full hair of beautiful, thick dark brown straightened hair.

So, here we are in 2016. The racial divide still exists and is strong. The political race is shining bright light on the impacts of the socioeconomic divide. Religious intolerance and hate crimes abound. How do we get beyond these insidious stereotypes that we have of each other?

Intercultural understanding in the workplace won’t come by having a virtual course once a year where you check off your company as “sensitized”. Moving away from what the media tells us and creating an atmosphere where crucial conversations take place will serve as a basis for better intercultural understanding. Inviting storytellers from different cultures into your workplace can provide yet another personal exchange of ideas. Have employee events at museums or cultural exhibits where you can tour and hear about the history of other cultures. On your own time, going to see a movie about another culture’s experience may open your mind to another point of view. Engage with other generations of your own family to hear about their experiences in life and at work. Go to theater productions about cultures other than your own to get a sense of history past and present. Support your local school and youth organizations by offering your time to tell your story so you can motivate the next generation. Ask questions of your peers that show sensitivity and a genuineness to learn about them. You can’t appreciate or respect anything or anyone you don’t know about and you certainly can’t influence anyone’s mindset if you don’t open your own mind to new possibilities and points of view.

Our children are living in a world where their innocence is constantly under attack. That may be disconcerting to many. I offered my Goddaughter the same advice I take myself and that I’ve offered others for years. Be excellent at what you do because excellence has no color and will prevail in the end. People who have racist or other views of intolerance are locked in a prison of their own choosing and I refuse to be locked in any such prison. Does this mean racist views won’t affect me? I am not that naïve; I believe my race has kept me from raises, promotions and from privileges others have freely enjoyed because they were not of African-American descent. As far as I’m concerned it is the loss of any business that allows such practices. You see, culturally aware and tolerant enterprises really do provide the best employee experiences. Most people are able to thrive in an environment where they can be their authentic selves, are appreciated for the talents they bring to the table and are promoted based on their performance. These employers provide atmospheres that are less dismissive of others. They are employers who will reap the benefit of an ever increasingly intercultural society.

Lesson learned.

Source: Humoring the Anxious Aunt

I still remember my cousin calling me to announce that she and her husband were relocating to Richmond, VA. The first question I remember asking is, “Are you taking the baby (Alyssa) with you”? Stupid question. What was she supposed to say? Marcy and Leslie surely weren’t leaving their child behind!

I give my cousin’s husband big props. Not only was I discombobulated by the idea of Marcy and Alyssa being hundreds of miles away I have an idea the rest of my family was pretty freaked out too! The opportunity was a fantastic one for him and a chance to give his growing family roots and room to grow. How could he say no to an opportunity like that? Something he did told me volumes about just how smart a man he was.

He invited his late father-in-law and me to take the trek to Richmond to see where the family would be living. My Uncle Sam knew construction and was able to size up the situation and feel comfortable with what he saw. We talked about our concerns the entire ride down and back home. Because he did this, Les had an idea he might receive our full support – and we did throw our support behind him and Marcy. I will take the liberty and speak for my Uncle in saying we were so grateful Les thought enough of us to include us in their transition plan.

Often we think when we are new to a company or to a team that we only join our immediate team, not understanding the impact we have on the entire culture of the organization. Our joining or moving actually changes the dynamic of the organization – and everybody from the company President, to the virtual team, to the clients is impacted in some way. What we give to the company – or don’t give to the company – by way of our support can actually affect the bottom line. How we respect those persons who have tenure and history with the organization will affect our appreciation for their work and our assimilation into the company culture. It’s kinda like getting married – you think you’re just marrying the person however, you’re marrying their family and family issues – and they are marrying yours as well! You are fooling yourself if you think you’re going to change the mind of any company in a flash – unless you buy the company! And even in that case, managers who have worked through mergers/acquisitions will tell you that only the most careful research, communication and buy in will allow for an almost seamless transition for the people and processes in the organization. The things you set in motion during any period of transition are the things that will impact the next phase of your life. Say or tell yourself whatever you like (especially about the marriage thing) – that’s the way it is.

My cousin’s husband is an accomplished diplomat when it comes to family affairs. The fact that he could soothe the concerns of the freaked out Aunt, the concerned Father-in-law and get full buy-in for the new life he was creating for my cousin and their children speaks volumes for his thought process and for his character. God bless my Nana Lucy because she was right about him when she told me all those years ago that he was a keeper!

Les, thanks for the lesson learned…

Source: Being Resource-full

One of the things I did when my cousin asked me to be Godparent to her unborn baby was to do as much research as I could about babies and children. Having a baby brother was one thing, having a baby Goddaughter was quite another. I felt the best way to be a good Godmother was to be a good resource for both her and parents – spiritually, mentally, personally, financially and by engaging my network.

In my Human Resources work and in my personal life I encounter many people who are “connected”. These are persons who have extensive networks, great friends and are well travelled – all the things that should enable them to be good resources for other people within their network. For some reason they don’t function that way. Their think tanks, networks nor talents are being utilized to do good for anyone other than themselves. What good is a large network of people if they are just adding to their “Connection #500+ count on LinkedIn”?

People who are not resource-full don’t realize they really hurt themselves in the long run. They tend to remain stagnant and as a result, they don’t progress much in their professional or personal standing. Funny thing is, a lot of them can’t figure out why others who are resource-full are so much happier and so much farther ahead than they are. Those persons who freely share their contacts and gifts, who are not afraid to step out of their comfort zones and who are willing to lend their name or their reputation to give someone a leg up have the advantage of a network of people watching out for them. The reason why is pretty simple, it’s because they watch out for other people! When opportunities open up, they are the people others think of first because they have supportive spirits. A closed fist lets nothing out – and it lets nothing in.

My advice? Do a self check to see if you are being as “resource- full” as you can be. If you give your word to do a favor or watch out for someone don’t just pay lip service.   Make that call to inquire about an opportunity for a friend. Pass along that resume to the contact you have association with that can open the door of opportunity for someone else. Take that person along to the meeting or conference to get firsthand experience or to introduce them to someone who could be a resource for them. If you’re not sure how much you are leveraging your resources for others ask someone whose opinion you trust – and don’t bite them if they don’t give you the answer you want! You may have it in your power to be a catalyst to help someone else become something he/she could only dream of.

During times of transition, I’ve used my time to study and develop relationships to become the best resource I can be. I hope I’ve been an encourager to others in my professional and personal network. Hopefully, my Goddaughter and others in her generation will find resource-full people as they venture into new and wonderful phases of their lives. I hope she in turn will develop her skills, network and alliances to be the best resource she can be for others around her. It’s a wonderful cycle of giving that should not only benefit us, it’s a cycle that should encourage and promote others as well.

Lesson learned.

Source: Designing your own Room

Some years ago, my Goddaughter visited me around the time she and her mom decided to paint her bedroom. They both thought it needed a makeover from a little girl’s room to a young woman’s sanctuary. Alyssa and I shopped at a local mall for the things that would personalize her room. As we shopped, she picked up items and kept saying, “Mommy would like this”. After she said this about the fourth item, I told her to stop – and put everything back. “This is going to be your room so it should reflect your taste”, I told her. She smiled, walked around the area again and made some choices that she liked and that she felt reflected her personality. When she got home her Mother was thrilled with her selections – and I was thrilled when I visited them some months later and saw the new room design. Alyssa learned a valuable lesson – her Mother and I valued her opinion and her ability to choose wisely.

I recently had occasion to feel like I was defending my “room design” to someone that I thought was in my corner. I quickly came to myself when I realized that I had to move forward making decisions that fit the design of my room. I thought more about the person I was dealing with and realized we are very different people. Then I took my own advice and put back the stuff that didn’t fit who I am, did a little recreating with some courageous companions and now am moving forward in faith with the agenda that fits me.

As employees, parents, guardians – people – we all have to design our room based on the gifts we are blessed with. Allowing somebody to get in our ear or our brains with an agenda that doesn’t fit who we are will keep us from reaching our goals both professionally and personally. It will upset our peace of mind and cause us to make decisions that will further set us back or keep us off track. Time works for and against us so we need to make sure we are as resourceful with our time as we can possibly be.

With the advent of a new calendar year, I encourage you to get busy designing your room. Be advised that age is not a factor in the design (or redesign) of your room. New beginnings also signify letting some old, worn habits and attitudes go. If you must, grieve over those old habits for a minute then move forward. Custom design your room with the things that reflect your values and goals. Don’t forget to let those persons who truly understand you know where you are heading. You want to take your truly courageous companions along for the ride. Be open to engaging in dialogue with people who are creatively designing their rooms because you might get inspiration from them – and they could get inspiration from you. Once you design your room, even with all the hustle and bustle of year-end, make sure you take some time to reflect on it. You’ll be recharged and ready to step into the New Year with confidence.

Lesson learned!

 

 

 

Source: The Wolf in the Room